today

Don't.

Don't Bother  Me.
i'm Planning on typing on my typewriter
        love poems
        letters

        lyrics
You could find me stuck in my book
        Cold Sassy Tree
         the Blue Castle
         Tuesdays with Morrie
I mess around on my iPod
         it's white
         and helpful
Wait for me while I
        Fill this canteen
        wrap these boots
        sneak this gingerbread house
If you want, we can
        Dance.
        Sing

        or write
I will do everything I want,
and nothing I should
Anything fun,
and nothing productive.
Let's jump on the tramp
and imagine the sky
          Nobody can stop us
I could possibly have homework
          history,
          math,
          physics.
But let's not do it,
and pretend its not there.
Don't Bother Me.
While I'm Daydreaming,
         Of you,
         of colors,
         of food
I'll be hidden in the tree
          drawing pictures
           or singing

           or sleeping

Don't Bother Me
unless you're here
to forget about this
and be yourself.
Don't
Unless this intrigues you
unless you're carefree
unless you want me.

so..yes.

What I should be Doing Right Now:

This is what I Want to Be Doing Right Now:

You Person You

Don't Read This Post Please You Particularly Peeve-Provoking Person

Okay, Maybe I Kind of Have a Temper.

maybe I Tend To freak out

Maybe I am Bad at keeping Secrets

Maybe I have trouble speaking in a five inch whisper

Maybe I am kind of awkward

Maybe I'm not a model,

Maybe I am obsessed with texting.

But maybe, just maybe

You could give me a chance.

Maybe, I can find the courage,

and Maybe, I will not punch you 

the next time I see you.

This was a good post.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Kalli.
I just want to welcome you all out here today, I really appreciate you coming.
I'm here because, well I'm addicted to the internet.
I'm here because I think it will solve all my problems.
But in reality, it only creates them.
Its true what people say--
I have nothing better to do. (unless you count homework as better)

So, how's life?
How have you been?
Haven't seen you in years!
I'm...great.
The truth is that I'm having some [serious] stress issues.
I've been making a lot of wishes at 11:11.

I think its high school. When you ask somebody, anybody, about high school, they'll most likely say either that it was the best time of their life, or the absolute worst. It doesn't take a miracle to figure out who hated it and who loved it.

Those more fortunate folks who are wishing they were in high school again were most likely the most popular. The prettiest. The ones who got asked to all the dances. The cheerleaders, the football stars. Probably [Chase Hansen] in 20 years.

The worst--lets be honest. Those kids who struggle to make friends. The awkward ones. The ones who don't have any athletic ability. The people who you don't even know their name and you have gone to school with them all your life. These kids are working their butts off to become doctors, and in 20 years, they'll be a lot happier than they are now.

Where do I fit in? Who knows. My high school life is mediocre. I'm not the most popular girl ever, but I can't say I'm the nerdiest either. Sure, I had perfect attendance this term. No big deal. I didn't win the iPod.

To be honest, I like myself. I think I'm pretty. The boys may not, but as long as I have my hair and my smile, I'll get along fine. I am usually [very] upset the days I don't get asked to dances {have I mentioned I haven't been asked to one yet?}, but it doesn't really matter in the long run. I'm taking AP classes for no reason, falling in love with boys who I won't remember in a couple years [Chase Hansen], and trying out for sports.
But, school just drives me bonkers anyway.

I can't say I've slept alone in weeks.
Because every night, I'm thinking.
Thinking about homework.
Thinking about boys. [not Chase Hansen]
Thinking about my future.
I can't leave myself alone.
I worry over clothes. 
I stress over past conversations.
I fret about Christmas presents.
I create alternate realities.
I become my dreams.
{which is scary considering the dreams I have}

I'm just a {super ordinary} girl with nothing but a red coat from DI, indian boots, and auburn hair.

{super ordinary}--(soo-per awr-dn-er-ee):
                 *wonderful, beautiful, unique, eccentric, half-hipster, smart, happy, imaginative, loquacious, crazy, insane, self-conscious, musical, extraordinary.

I know..

I know I'm obsessed with the videos lately but..
This one had to be shown.
Merry Christmas America.

Yes

Obsession of the day...
I couldn't even write a song today because it just sounded
so bad when it wasn't in french.
Thank you Cassidy for reminding me of Coeur de Pirate,
my favorite.

wonderful, isn't it?

100 things...

In honor of Thanksgiving, I give you
100 things I am especially thankful for.
In no particular order.

1. My Parents
2. My Faith
3. The sun
4. cameras
5. education
6. my country
7. my brothers and sister
8. This plug saving the laptop from dying
9. friends
10. Mr. Smith and his Calculus-teaching skills
11. My voice
12. The Book of Mormon
13. Sugar
14. Borscht
15. Spices
16. Books
17. Harry Potter
18. My afghan 
19. Thunderstorms
20. Snow
21. Christmas Songs
22. Red hair
23. Musicals
24. My kitchen
25. That my dad has a good job
26. That I am not super fat
27. Pianos
28. Cheerios when the baby is upset
29. Late passes in physics
30. Dancing
31. My phone
32. Prayer
33. Heating and air conditioning
34. That the war is over
35. The mountains
36. Blue eyes. (at least on other people)
37. DI
38. Texting
39. Steak
40. Roses, Tulips, Daffodils
41. Carpet
42. That I can Run
43. Psych
44. The fact that I'm doing this right now instead of my english paper
45. Braces.
46. The Dermatologist
47. Fingernail clippers
48. Electricity
49. 60's music
50. Heritage
51. Journals
52. Pens
53. Contacts
54. Mascara
55. Cover-up
56. lotion
57. Craisins
58. Hot Chocolate
59. Cheese
60. Drain Un-Cloggers
61. My Spider Killing Cup
62. FM 100.3
63. And also FM 106.5
64. Flour
65. Bread and Butter
66. Seminary
67. That moment between 1st and 2nd period where I could possibly see him
68. Choir
69. That I'm going on tour! Yeah!!
70. My Paypal card
71. That I'm getting the rodeo
72. I can pass my tests at least
73. Vegetables and dip--50 cents
74. Gas in AF-- $3.10/gal
75. Onions
76. Refrigerators and freezers
77. Purified water
78. Guitar
79. Violin
80. Museums
81. Sidewalks
82. Bicycles
83. Longboards
84. Turkey Pepperoni
85. Scented Pencils--SMENCILS look 'em up
86. Ben and Jerry's
87. That my birthday is in the summer
88. Earphones
89. Video Cameras
90. Nutella
91. Mattresses
92. Clocks
93. Grandparents 
94. Chickens that lay eggs
95. Pigeons that come back
96. Utensils
97. Rides to school
98. Ibuprofen
99. Sign Language
100. That I'm doing Jr Jazz now! Woot!

Well, I could go on, but I'm sure nobody even wants to read 100 things.

But I dare you to write 100 of your own--

It took me 10 minutes. How long will it take you?

yum.

just assume for a minute

This is what you feel like when you have only gotten

Four hours of sleep

Because of that wretched, wretched smoke detector

that seems to detect smoke

when there is no smoke

With or without batteries;

whether or not it is in the ceiling. 

This is what you feel like when

coach says,

"You're simply not tall enough"

And you go to tryouts feeling like
There is no possible way.

This is what you feel like

When your starving.

Ravenous.

And the lunch lady mumbles,

"Zero. Zero Dollars."

This is what you feel like 

when you open the door,

and its not him.

When you look at your phone,

and its a text from your mom.

When you see him and feel like

a complete loser because you can't think 

of anything to say; so you just smile.

This is what you feel like

when you wake up in the morning with

a big, obvious zit on your face.

You can't do anything about it

except for mope.

This is what you do when you think

you understand Physics

But you find out you are doing 

everything

completely, utterly, disasterously

wrong.

This could also possibly be what you feel like

when you drink 9 cups of hot chocolate

and are terrified to step on the scale.

This is what you feel like when you're

jobless,

moneyless, 

in debt, 

and without a clue.

This is what you feel like when your life is 

tumbling down the laundry chute

and nobody notices you

because your just a grungy old t-shirt

that is most likely too gross,

boring, 

and filthy

to even be donated to DI.

This is what I feel like.

How are you?

What do you have in store for me?

I'm looking forward to you.

Don't tell me you aren't excited.

if I were to talk to you right now..

This is what you would hear.

I have no poetic words for you, no literary writing. When I speak in person, this is how I talk to people. In English.

Let me just tell you,

Have you ever known what it feels like to
sweat
and
Love It?
I believe that my schedule of the day previously included,
pure
torture and possibly death.
But did you know?
It is wonderful.
Being in shape...that's wonderful.
Knowing what your body can do, and what it is
capable of.
Truly terrifying and inspiring at the same time.

You could possibly be thinking right now that I am the most disgusting person you may ever meet or get a chance to meet.
You may be judging. But who cares? Not me. I'm in love with my body and what it can do. (don't take that the wrong way, please.)

Also, today, I ate lunch.

now here's a true tangent for you:

Another thing I really like is when people read my blog. I was thinking about blogs the other day...and who really cares? People read these blogs like they are some magazine. But blogs I have read, are personal. Very personal. Some blogs include things that nobody would think about telling somebody in person. You think my blog is deep? I'm not being a hypocrite. The things I write are the things I am comfortable telling people. I guess those people could also be willing to share those things about themselves. But blogs are only an example of the technology that prohibits our everyday lives. Especially mine. Look at me. I'm typing this on a blog when I could be telling somebody else. (This is hypocritical.)

Par example: Let's glance into my life. Texting. The everyday teenager's enemy. I love it. I can tell people things I would never say to their faces. I can text boys and tell them everything on my mind without feeling like a complete dope until I see them in person the next day. Truthfully, I would never find myself in the kind of drama I dive into without it. Texting is a convenience that can quickly evolve into destruction and distraction.

You think this post was random?
You should meet me in person.

Here is a nice picture for you:

do you believe me yet?

I believe in fairytales.

I believe in friends who will never really pull through.

I believe you will text me back when you never really do.

I believe the things people say about me that I know

Aren't true.

I believe the scary stories you hear when you're kids.

I believe you'll like me again

even though I may not have a chance.

I believe you don't know

when you do.

I believe I am good at dancing. (no comment on what you may think)

I believe I have talent.

I believe that if I keep a flashlight by my bed I will never see the dark.
I believe I can be a half-hipster and steal ideas that I think are cool.

But.

I also believe in Christ.

I believe in being my best self.
I believe I'll find someone who loves me
for who I am.
I believe I can be beautiful.
I believe in family.
I believe that ridiculous dreams can be realities.
But most of all.
I believe in you, and I believe in me.

For all those who have self-esteem lessons at church every week that
make you feel like a complete loser
Because you can't seem to pull 'pretty' out of your name.
I'm sorry. (same as me.)

Don't think I'm a copycat if you've done this before.
This list has long ago been written and could go on and on.
but whats wrong with me copying anyways?
After all, copying is
the highest form of flattery.

also.
my grandpa said I looked skinny today.
best compliment I have received all week.
from my grandpa, That. is the highest form of flattery. 

things on my mind

shhh...

Shhhh...
don't tell anyone
but I had a great time.
don't tell 'em that
this could have possibly been my first date.
Don't tell the people
about everything that happened
No, it wasn't bad, nothing happened bad,
But its the secret part that makes it so good.
I won't tell you
but it could have been the best night that
I've had for a couple months.
Shhh...
I'm so happy
I could sing
Oh wait.
I am singing.
Don't tell anyone but I'm pretty sure
that my self confidence
has been boosted to a ten.
Don't tell those kids
that despite the giant pimple
on my face
I forgot about it
and Was Happy.
Shh...
I'm smiling bigger than you.
Did you have fun?
Maybe. Maybe not.
But who cares?
Tonight was about me.
Shhh...

Who are you anyways?

Its funny

The way life works, isn't it?

Its not my fault I'm crazy

and it isn't my fault that I think about you

so much.

Maybe someday, 

we'll be best friends,

But for now 

We'll stay on our separate paths.

What did I do?

What did I say?

Nothing.

Well, I'd like to say that

I said

Nothing.

But truthfully, I said

Everything.

And its all 

My fault.

As much as I hate to 

take the blame,

I'm afraid I can only give you

a small percentage of it.

I feel like I know

Who you are.

But do you know me?
Of course you do. 

I force my life into yours

Unnecessarily.

And I'm sure you hate it

and I'm sure I will continue

being a 

crazy 

raving 

lunatic.

 

Perfect Post for a Rainy Saturday.

Bill Cosby--My Favorite Person.

the Thursday Post. It snowed today.

I know I already made
a Monday post,
But
I just had to name this post after
my most favorite day of the week
this week at least.

Let me tell you the series of thoughts that went through my head
today. (this always seems to describe my day best.)

 "Math! I love math! I can do Math!"
"Wow. I can't believe I just figured that out!"
"ASL."
"Re-peat peat peat peat? i thought it was beep beep beep beep"
"this sweater matches my nails. dangit"
"Lunch!"
"My hair..its red?"
"Okay, so if I walk around, I could coincidentally run into him"
"That was great! I coincidentally ran into him!"

"Well this is lame."
"Old Dan Tucker he came to town! Wait, who is that anyways?"
"I wish my name was Dinah."

"Get over it. You aren't getting answered back."
"Why did I ask someone to this dance anyways?"
"This dance sure is causing me a lot of grief"
"This is awkward."
"Bam. All the presidents in less than an hour."
"also, it snowed today. in october."