virus

eating through the blood stream,
it started in my fingers, wrapping around my knuckles,
controlling my wrists,
working its way up my arms.
soon my legs felt the heat of the pain,
and my brain became tainted with its sting
my eyes flash between reality and its illusions
and now my lungs wilt under its influence,
and my heart,
my ever-beating heart,
fighting,
strong until recently
and now my fleshy heart
faces collapse, pushing outwards,
hoping for its second,
or third,
or fourth wind,
beating for me and holding tight to the person I once was,
but its corrosive elements wrap around it,
turning its red veins black,
eating it,
leaving me with nothing but
the salty taste on my tongue of despair
and the lingering scent of regret.

how to be a brick wall

Stand straight up. Maybe you're made of a lot, but most people will just see you as a whole, so be strong and hold together. Remember that when people look at you, if they do at all, they can't see your other side. Be tall. Whatever it is you're protecting, or hiding, whether it's important or private or ugly, be taller than that thing. Most of the time, people won't notice you, but try to remember that you're important. Stay in one place. There might be someone who needs you--maybe a little girl who cries against you. Her hair falls down her back and you look down at her big blue eyes, but she doesn't see your feeling. Hold tight, be supportive. She'll keep coming to you when she needs you, for a backrest, a cold friend. And every time she comes, stand still, and try to keep from getting too attached. Because, remember, if you need her, you can't move to her. She'll leave you and go about her everyday, and she'll come to you when her mother punishes her, or when she gets teased by the older girls at school. She'll take her Instagram photos up against you, and bring her favorite books to read next to you. Her first boyfriend will press her up against you and her children will skip hopscotch next to you, but you must be careful to remain discreet, because if you try to move towards her, you'll break. And when you do, when your bricks start to fall, she'll tear you down. She'll replace you with a newer, sturdier wall, one that will look better with grapevines or soak up the rain less. Your job is to watch, to be, to stay pieced together so that you'll be there for her when she needs you. And when she doesn't, she'll forget about you, and you can't be bothered, because if you are, she'll take you down and you'll stop existing altogether. 

she

drips of sunlight color her hair,
laughter ringing in her eyes
her smile promises love and life
beyond discretion

wait, her lungs cry out
oppressed by image
clear to everyone but herself
blurring her sweet eyes with fire

tears carve my heart out
eating like maggots at its flesh,
one two, one two
my arms reach to hold her

but she's not there,
her tiny fingers shaking,
her body stiff, eyes open but unseeing
dead, or wanting, I'm not certain

one two, one two