Oh Hiiii.

You intruder!
How dare you enter into my boring, scheduled life without warning.

Its true that I might possibly be staring at the LCD screen of my laptop waiting for pages about philosophy to drift onto the white blank page of a word document.

It may also be true that I'm listening to the Frozen soundtrack even though people who do that constantly tend to drive me insane.

It's true that I have done nothing productive for two and a half hours, and I've been watching Christmas videos and daydreaming without a care in the world.

{It's also true that I have a five page paper due tomorrow. I don't even know what I'm writing it on yet}

And yes, this is an atypical, journalistic post. I'm mixing it up.

Mostly I'm writing on here because otherwise I'm going to say something really embarrassing to someone about how I can't focus because my mind is on one thing.

Also, I just went outside without a jacket on to 1) have an excuse to make hot chocolate and 2) see if possibly you were out there.

Why would you be outside?

And my letter with my blood type hasn't come in the mail yet.

How on earth am I supposed to focus on anything when I don't even know my blood type for sure? This is probably a conflict that every hard working college student goes through every day.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that you are on my mind,
Always,
Every day,
Every minute,
Every time I say you aren't,
and every time I go to sleep.

Nobody knows why, or how you did it, but you did. You penetrated my mental walls (that resemble a prison) and entered in without a key. Who do you think you are? Get out, louse. Get out.

Either that or come help me write my paper.

lies

Shred my cheeks to pieces,

Tear my thoughts,

Bleed my veins.

Something untold is clearly irrelevant and something forgotten longs to be remembered. The porch swing rocks in the chafing wind and I stare at it with an eternal hatred that fills my lungs with noise. If only I could blame it on its peeling paint. Blame it all on the creaking chains that dangle from the trellis above. What I wish could be simple sighs morph into screams of disgust and pain and while you bury yourself in a pit I hold the shovel. 

I sit alone forever in a room full of eternal promises that have never been kept. I claim your words as my bread and meat but find no solace in your actions. A divergent mind plays upon my emotions and I dance with the unlucky ghosts of her former suitors. A silken hand runs across the nape of my sunburned neck and I cannot control the shiver that runs deep into my hairline. I want to whip around this instant and scrape every lie off your face with my fingernails.

Impale me.

Crush my bones and

leave me for dead

but please 

never forget me.

Those flaming eyes that once burned the oxygen I breathed are now nothing but rotting pits that need to be removed. I long past all longing for the past, salvaging the last remains of my memories and sensory experiences before all turn to sandpaper and sawdust. I roll up my sleeves and begin to polish each one with a meticulous carefulness that would put glassblowers to shame. My knuckles crack and bleed and fill each memory membrane with the dark red fluid that startles even the most innocent creature. They no longer taste sweet, and I realize what they've been this whole time.

LIES
LIES
LIES
LIES
LIES
LIES