this whole time, you've asked me for forgiveness, and I've given it to you.
I asked you for forgiveness, and you gave it to me, but for what?
for asking you to stay?
for wanting you here?
for begging you to help me?
for loving you more than you wanted?
and now, what, now you're here, and you're asking me to do those things,
to hold you and comfort you,
to tell you that I care,
but I'm tired of forgiveness and I'm trying to prevent needing it,
and I'm not allowed to do those things, remember?
I'm so tired of letting people control me,
I forgive faults so easily,
and the people I love tell me to stop allowing the way I love people to poison me,
but I guess I have a death-wish,
because I keep finding people to dose me with arsenic little by little,
I keep finding people who I can love and lift by giving them my wings,
and I'm suddenly realizing that yes, it is my fault.
It's my fault for wanting to be the person you cared about,
and it's my fault for believing that people will love me the way I love them.
leave me alone.
do what you want,
I'll say it and I'll keep saying it, and every time I say it it bores a hole into me and I've
become a sponge that soaks up more bleach every time I see you
bleaching myself free of emotions until all that's left is a half-eaten rag
I don't even know what I want anymore, because that's been taken away from me,
so do what you want.
