Don't read this

Because I never learn.
Because mixing your hashbrowns and eggs is gross.
Because I hate school,
not because of the school part,
but because of the people part.
Because all of a sudden I've been losing my Words with Friends game.
Because I've been making mistakes;
not just the typical high school drama kind,
not only the million stupid things I say,
but real mistakes.
Mistakes that send me curling up into a ball and cringing at the sight of myself.
Because it isn't right that money means so much.
Because I forget which reality is more important.
Because I'm weeding in the garden and getting dirty.
So dirty that I can't wash it off with just a hose, but I have to take
shower, after
shower, after
shower.
And I have to wash my clothes 3x on the "extreme soilage" level.
Because I'm rolling in filth and forgetting who I used to be.
And I know its wrong.
I know that I don't need to be this dirty.
But I am.
I am,
I am,
I am.
And its ruining everything.
Because my ukulele is lonely,
and my typewriter is desolate.
The piano hasn't been touched, and
the only problem is money.
Money, is
Money, is
Money.
It's only paper that is more valuable than gold,
than food,
than human lives.
AND IT'S RUINING MY LIFE
Honestly, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I need,
I'm sorry, I feel,
I'm sorry, I'm stupid.
Unteachable.

boys and collisions

In Driver's Education, we always learned that it was never an 'accident'.
It was always a collision.
If it wasn't your fault, why are you cited?
Brakes screaming, adrenaline rushing like never before,
I knew it was coming.
"Let's get off the road."
Here's to the safety of everyone, here's to seatbelts, here's to spiritual guidance.
I did my scripture study for 1 hour on Sunday, like the stake president asked.
I read my New Era, like the stake president asked.
I went to the temple 3 times in a week and cried the day I couldn't go.
"Why is this happening?"
"Sometimes bad things happen to good people."
"Why is everyone yelling?"
"Sometimes you have to deal with the truth."
"Why didn't I get asked to homecoming?"
"Sometimes that isn't what matters."

Glass everywhere, radiator fluid. No airbags.
No airbags?
"Is anyone hurt? Is anyone hurt."
Nobody's hurt. OK.
Calling, calling.
"Were you crying? Was it scary?"
No.
No.
Why is he here? Why is he here?
"I'm just happy you weren't hurt."
"Why?"
"Why would you say that?"
"Because."
"Why didn't I get asked to homecoming?"
"Because."
Bones aching, head spinning, responsibility.
"I have to do this."
Filling out statements. More and more statements.
How fast were you going?
I don't know. Slow.
"I wish I was homecoming queen."
"Sometimes we can't get what we wish for."
"This has been the worst week."
"Sometimes bad things happen to good people."
"What about the bad people? What happens to them?"
"Sometimes good things happen to bad people."

The Complication

Me and Kimya, we're doppelgangers yo'. 

Please,
Talk to me.