I haven't thought about love for a while

whispers of broken dreams crawl into the cracking walls I call my heart.
I've tried to fill it with
                          red balloons
                          peanut butter
                          wind
                          touch
                          work
but the cement never holds.
I'm ever-turning towards your endless gaze like a sunflower that worships the sun and
I think you are burning me and I think it hurts.
Caress my wilted fingers between your palms and speak nothings onto my cheek,
carry me down the sloped hills we call adventure.
I've been consumed by love and fear and everything between and
I can't catch up with your rough, calloused soles.

The fireflies are the prettiest and they are the easiest to catch. I would imagine them quick, but they lumber on with the weight of a protective light. They are easily snatched from among the leaves of sleeping branches and caught between the chubby fingers of the little ones, captive until their dying days.

I'd tell you how to catch me if I knew how. I'd tell you how simple it is to hold my careless gaze and read my mind-waves washing onshore my face if I knew where to find you a snorkel. Smiles always frighten me but eyes tear me away from reality.

Really I would imagine running away from the world and all of its distractions into salty air with your calloused hands and soft eyes nightly, if my dreams would allow it.

Today has been good.

Today, I woke up.
I looked in the mirror.
I usually look in the mirror and think,
Look at that girl.
Who is she?
Is she pretty?
Does she like herself?

Today,
Was different.
I looked in the mirror, and I felt
Confident.
Happy.
and I might venture to even say I felt
Beautiful.

I looked at myself and I liked what I saw.
Now, I'm not bragging, and I'm
not saying I'm perfect.
Because I am definitely not.
But I felt pretty.
I felt like a princess,
a Daughter of God.

And as I stood in front of the congregation,
I was
Confident.
Happy.
and In my own eyes,
Beautiful.
I wasn't nervous about
what everyone would think,
and I felt like I was doing the right thing.

I am doing the right things.

Now, this might sound like a bunch of sap
from a girl who doesn't know left from right,
and couldn't tell pretty from ugly in the first place.

This could sound like one of those soap-operas,
one of those motivational speeches they give
girls who will never listen.
But its true.
And truth is,
Today has been good.


Now, on the not so pretty side.
Remembering 9/11.
Those of us in the US today
will never forget.
Its only appropriate
I mention the
Hundreds,
Thousands,
of lives we lost that day.
I remember:
First Grade.
I remember
That Same Video.
Of course, at the time
I had no idea,
what an impact this was having
on Millions of people.
Now, as I look back,
I could not
Imagine
What it could have been like to see those towers
fall.
If I had been 16 at that time, I don't know what
I would do
Or feel like.

I found this video on Mormon Messages that can help
us all realize the trauma
That people went through on 9/11.
It also shows us that
through Christ,
We can overcome all of our trials.

Have a wonderful Sunday.

so, its my life

welcome,
its my life.
You never know what you'll get, but you can expect a lot of
surprises,
irony,
and coincidences.
If you're lucky, you could be thrown into one of my more recent rages.
I lie about wanting to go to homecoming.
I say I don't.
But only because
I'm not going to get asked.
It's okay though.
It's okay.
If you want to really know me,
you probably never will.
I like to fake my secrets
and create my alter life.
I make my own excitement.
I control my dreams.
and I am usually happy.
Even if I pretend that I'm not.
You know that I'm upset
when I'm crying.
And you know that I'm jealous
when I can't keep my eyes in one place.
You know that I'm nervous
When I can't stop talking.
and you know that I'm lying
when I'm at a loss of words.
Meet the girl
without a boyfriend
because I keep my standards high.
Don't ask me why I do it.
Sometimes I ask myself the same question.
Most of the time
I'm afraid of what
could happen.
I need someone who
can just say yes or no
to every decision I want to make.
Speaking of decisions.
I hate them.
If there's anything I'm more afraid of
than spiders,
its decisions.
I know, I'm
a baby.
But
Think about it.
My decisions affect so many
people.
and I could make so many
people
Unhappy.
Let me tell you something else
(you being the reader, if there are any)
I can have self control
if I want to.
I am kind
if I want to be.
I'm dramatic
When I'm attention starved.
And when I don't give you a hug,
I still want one.