Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

daydream




I am hopelessly, irrepressibly, simply lost in a daydream. Passing me in the halls, you could possibly, most likely, be thinking "Who is that girl and why does she look like she's dreaming with her eyes open?"  The answer is simple: Because I am dreaming with my eyes open.

A daydream is nothing more than a thought evolving into an image. It needs no storyboard, no plot. It doesn't even have to end with a 'happily ever after', although that is where most of my recent mind-tangents have been after being rudely interrupted. Daydreams grow creativity, spark ideas, and happen to be a nasty distraction.

Don't get me wrong--I love my daydreams. When I tunnel deep into my mansion of thoughts, I find true love. I find success and I can find light even in the darkest of all my rooms. My bedroom holds my most private thoughts, my most sincere desires, while my kitchen, (only a few doors down), leans towards my cravings and initial wants. I never do math or physics, but sometimes I see numbers counting the stairs or sidewalk cracks. What happens in my bathroom stays in the bathroom.

Now see where you've gotten me? I'm so much of a homebody that I've almost given you an entire tour. The thing you need to understand is that my daydreams are consuming me. This is slowly degrading me, and perverting my current views of reality. Of course, this may be difficult to understand, providing that my daydreams seem such a wonderful place to be. And they are. But they are getting me into trouble. Mischief is around every corner. I can hardly stop myself from imagining that perfect boy, and what he is doing, and how in love he is with me. Upon jumping out of  my daydream, however, I may (I Do) believe that he is still the perfect boy. But he isn't. He's hardly the man I imagined and more of the boy that all non-daydreamers and normal people know him by. He makes mistakes, and, frankly, he isn't in love with me.

My home in my head is also irresistibly attractive and appealing compared to my physics, calculus, and history classes. Anybody would rather be in New York exploring the subway and riding bicycles between taxis than in a cold classroom learning about momentum. And dancing under the stars, eating marshmallows, and eating cake around a campfire can all seem colorful in comparison to a dull math classroom. And history? History comes alive when I'm in there. (as you can imagine, I do much better in that class).  Either way, this is becoming a dangerous hobby.

I may also be daydreaming this very moment that people (someone, anyone) could be reading my blog.
It's probably better that they don't because, in reality, after reading this, people might start to think I'm a crazy person. Or more of a crazy person than I already am.
What a foolish daydream.











Monday, November 07, 2011

just assume for a minute

This is what you feel like when you have only gotten
Four hours of sleep
Because of that wretched, wretched smoke detector
that seems to detect smoke
when there is no smoke
With or without batteries;
whether or not it is in the ceiling. 

This is what you feel like when
coach says,
"You're simply not tall enough"
And you go to tryouts feeling like
There is no possible way.

This is what you feel like
When your starving.
Ravenous.
And the lunch lady mumbles,
"Zero. Zero Dollars."

This is what you feel like 
when you open the door,
and its not him.
When you look at your phone,
and its a text from your mom.
When you see him and feel like
a complete loser because you can't think 
of anything to say; so you just smile.

This is what you feel like
when you wake up in the morning with
a big, obvious zit on your face.
You can't do anything about it
except for mope.

This is what you do when you think
you understand Physics
But you find out you are doing 
everything
completely, utterly, disasterously
wrong.

This could also possibly be what you feel like
when you drink 9 cups of hot chocolate
and are terrified to step on the scale.

This is what you feel like when you're
jobless,
moneyless, 
in debt, 
and without a clue.

This is what you feel like when your life is 
tumbling down the laundry chute
and nobody notices you
because your just a grungy old t-shirt
that is most likely too gross,
boring, 
and filthy
to even be donated to DI.

This is what I feel like.
















Thursday, October 06, 2011

the Thursday Post. It snowed today.

I know I already made
a Monday post,
But
I just had to name this post after
my most favorite day of the week
this week at least.
Let me tell you the series of thoughts that went through my head
today. (this always seems to describe my day best.)

 "Math! I love math! I can do Math!"
"Wow. I can't believe I just figured that out!"
"ASL."
"Re-peat peat peat peat? i thought it was beep beep beep beep"
"this sweater matches my nails. dangit"
"Lunch!"
"My hair..its red?"
"Okay, so if I walk around, I could coincidentally run into him"
"That was great! I coincidentally ran into him!"
"Well this is lame."
"Old Dan Tucker he came to town! Wait, who is that anyways?"
"I wish my name was Dinah."

"Get over it. You aren't getting answered back."
"Why did I ask someone to this dance anyways?"
"This dance sure is causing me a lot of grief"
"This is awkward."
"Bam. All the presidents in less than an hour."
"also, it snowed today. in october."

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Vanity, Vanity.

Vanity, vanity.
The world is subject to your every command.
Vanity, vanity.
The demand is high
for material goods.
Vanity, vanity
I am surprised
At Myself.
Vanity, vanity
you flaunt your shade in every mirror.
Taunting your subjects at every corner
Vanity, vanity
you hide my friends
and cause me to question
myself.
Vanity, vanity
there is sin in the worst
there is pride in
your every movement.
Vanity, vanity
the epitome of the mind
and yet the enemy
of the heart.
You attract my eyes
and divert my thoughts
only to capture for a moment
before I realize.
Vanity, vanity.
You could possibly be
driving us all to
Insanity.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

so, its my life

welcome,
its my life.
You never know what you'll get, but you can expect a lot of
surprises,
irony,
and coincidences.
If you're lucky, you could be thrown into one of my more recent rages.
I lie about wanting to go to homecoming.
I say I don't.
But only because
I'm not going to get asked.
It's okay though.
It's okay.
If you want to really know me,
you probably never will.
I like to fake my secrets
and create my alter life.
I make my own excitement.
I control my dreams.
and I am usually happy.
Even if I pretend that I'm not.
You know that I'm upset
when I'm crying.
And you know that I'm jealous
when I can't keep my eyes in one place.
You know that I'm nervous
When I can't stop talking.
and you know that I'm lying
when I'm at a loss of words.
Meet the girl
without a boyfriend
because I keep my standards high.
Don't ask me why I do it.
Sometimes I ask myself the same question.
Most of the time
I'm afraid of what
could happen.
I need someone who
can just say yes or no
to every decision I want to make.
Speaking of decisions.
I hate them.
If there's anything I'm more afraid of
than spiders,
its decisions.
I know, I'm
a baby.
But
Think about it.
My decisions affect so many
people.
and I could make so many
people
Unhappy.
Let me tell you something else
(you being the reader, if there are any)
I can have self control
if I want to.
I am kind
if I want to be.
I'm dramatic
When I'm attention starved.
And when I don't give you a hug,
I still want one.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Horribly Upset

I'm horribly upset
I don't want to talk about it.
My hair is a mess.
My clothes don't fit.
I can't sing a note
because my throat is hurting
And I can't stand up
Because my muscles are burning.
The car is a loser
I'd like to beat it up
Power steering doesn't work
and the battery's a..cup.
I have a ton of homework
I don't want to read the chapter
This is really dumb
And I'm going to turn into a raptor
This boy is a freaking idiot
I'd like to slug him in the face
But that would be bad
So i'll slow down the pace
This terrible poem is over now
I know you really liked it
So I will just take a bow
And become a poetry writer for the rest of my whole dang life.

The end

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Here we are.

At school I find an air of solitude around friends. Surrounded by so many, I still feel so alone.
Or so I thought.
But today I realized that I'm not.
I'm encircled about with people who love and care about me.
And I shouldn't take it for granted.
Random acts of kindness (forced or not) happen to me all the time.
Me.
Don't ask me why, don't ask me what.
And if I'm not happy with it, then what would make me happy?
I don't even know.
Making something into a big drama isn't the way things should be.
I can talk, so can you.
Mostly me.
As we all know.
But so what? Let me talk.
Let my loquacious lips fly!
I'm rambling.
I realize that.
But who cares.
If he ever read this blog I could possibly be stereotyped for life.
Talk to me, loser, before I talk to you.

Monday, August 22, 2011

The end.

Last day of summer.
A fitting 30 million degrees too.
Construction = not done

I think I decided to play basketball again.
It could be worthwhile.

School will be heck.
The only fun classes I have are a capella and seminary.
At least I'll be prepared for college, right?

I just remembered.
I Don't Have a Back Pack.

I'm scared to go to school because I'm scared to see that boy.
And I'm scared for AP Physics.
And I'm scared that I've lost all my social skills whatsoever over the summer.
I'm scared of any grade lower than an A.
And I'm scared of not fitting in.

Sound like regular teenage problems, right?
They don't seem regular if they are your own.