again with the writing

Seemingly confused, my clock can't seem to communicate with my brain. Blinking for a moment, I can't find my lungs and my heart pounds. I'm searching for the truth, but I'm searching in all the wrong places, asking all the wrong people, turning over all the wrong stones. Somehow I tell myself its here, with them, surrounding me. The people I love are the people that the world tells me to love. The world screams in my face and tells me what is great, wonderful, terrible. The world whispers improvements and gives me reasons to complain. The world tells me what is hipster, what is prep. The world shoots nasty words at me because I only have 11 followers when, in reality, I remembered that I never really wanted anyone to read this anyway. I'm forgetting who I am and why I came. I'm forgetting the people who matter and remembering the people I tried so hard to forget. The world tells me what love is, they tell me what to think about it. Will you just kiss me already? You've been staring at me fo  I'll tell you what love is. Love is when someone you care about anyone finds something they like about you and decides to love every bit of you because of it. Love is when your heart skips a beat because they looked at you 

Who Am I kidding I know nothing about love.

Happiness is junk food all week and ice cream for every meal.

Happiness is not feeling addicted to the internet for a week.

Happiness is becoming a rugged adventurer and living in the mountains for a day.

(because any longer than that may have driven you insane.)

Happiness is a 72 in bowling and a good date.

Happiness is running three miles in the rain and breathing in every moment of it.

Happiness is shopping for things you don't need--straw fedoras and indian shoes.

Happiness is finishing Mosiah and taking on the challenge of Alma for the ninth time.

Happiness is sitting by a projected fire and knowing you got asked to prom.

Happiness is chocolate chip pancakes and whipped cream.

Happiness is mostly getting your homework done. (mostly.)

Happiness is remembering the two checks you haven't cashed yet.

Happiness is when the baby goes to bed. On the first time.

Happiness is watching old western movies and roasting cheerios.

Happiness is finally getting over him. (Maybe?) (Definitely.) 

Happiness is reading in a bubble bath without stress.

Happiness is the temple on a friday morning.

Happiness is finally getting out of your routine

Happiness is spring break.

Happiness is when spring break ends and you go on tour in five days.

Happiness is me today.

impatience

I'm sitting, chewing my fingernails.
Waiting.
Hoping.
All at once it happens and its here and I want to cry.
I thought I would be ready, I assumed the best,
But never assume the best because you might find yourself facing the worst.
The false hope we have will never assimilate with reality.
The tears in your pillow never dissolve, and wet skin is cold when you sleep.
Nothing implausible is worth your attention,
not today,
not now.
Maybe when we're old, without a care and without
assignments to finish and children to feed.
But for now, you must
you Must
Forget. Forget the fantasies and dreams you find yourself swimming in so often.
For soon the lake will freeze over and you'll be caught in the ice
frozen, immovable in the water of dreams that was once alive.
I'm not implying a forced depression;
I'm not purposefully suffocating your imagination;
I'm reluctant to tell you this because I'm afraid it will destroy your smile.
Find happiness in life now, while you can.
Hide your silly wants in a corner of your mind where you can find it later, because
right now
the things that matter most are the people
and the things
and the moments
that are staring you right in the eyes.
So forget the dreams to find the truth,
and wipe the hopefulness out off your runny nose
and be satisfied.